I have to say that 2019 showed me a whole lot about me. I had been thinking a lot about what I didn’t want to happen and by all means it all happened because I focused on all that could go wrong in 2019. I met someone in December 2018 that changed my entire life.
You know how it is when you meet someone that challenges your idea of what love is. They come into your life all of a sudden. Then you start to dissect them. For me I know I did it because I was afraid to be vulnerable and relinquish control to her because I didn’t know if she knew how to love me. So I challenged her in every way until I almost lost her.
In the moments that I was alone in my thoughts about how I managed to push her away, I had time to examine deeply why I continued to do that in my life. I go into my thoughts of things I dont know to be true and create this whole story about what’s happening before I know what’s happening. Because of that I created arguments where they should not have been, I accused her of things that may or may not have been true. I had no proof of anything so I shouldn’t have allowed my thoughts and of course other people to infect my thoughts of her in that way.
That being said it was one of the most challenging moments that I have ever been in. The relationship was doomed it seemed from the beginning, I think because we both knew the attraction was strong and real but also very scary. From fear of being wrong about the person or being hurt. Afraid that this is just another one of those times I fall for someone who does not fall for me the same way.
Anyway, She has her own set of things to work through and we both created our own stories of each other based on what we thought would happen. Having to step back and examine how we got to that place, opened up my mind to understand the roll I played in it so I wouldn’t do it again in the next relationship. I had excepted that I can not control the outcome and that from now on I would just enjoy the experience and try to consistently create memories that last forever.
Thankfully we have been able to work it out because we both owned our issues. Now communication is wide open. We decided to continue to be friends and date, which I am so excited about. As you can see when you change the way you look at things they can go from difficult to rewarding. I know now what has been holding me back from being happy and enjoying all experiences. I spend way too much thought on the outcome and try to control it versus just enjoying the experience and I think way too much, especially on the things I don’t want to happen.
The realization that every struggle is an opportunity to grow beyond the circumstances is a major part of the journey of life. I myself know that as long as we take up physical space on this Earth we will always experience opportunities for growth. Be blessed!
When you go to a job interview, if your like me no matter how many times your were asked the questions what are your strengths and weaknesses you kind of still get a little curious as to why they asked you this question. People typically give the same answers. Trustworthy, independent, hard worker. Nothing wrong with it if those are true answers for you but I think most people say what they think their potential bosses want to hear. But do they honestly know what their true strengths are?
If we could be all the way honest with ourselves we would probably say that my strengths are intuitiveness, connectedness, the ability to learn anything thrown our way, connected to the highest power etc. I could go on and on but hopefully you get the picture. We are nature’s greatest miracle and that my loves is our strength!
When you know you have things to do you should just do them…period. In my lifetime I have grown accustomed to half doing it, starting but not finishing, not finishing strong, or any other thing you could think of. This is where I have to draw a line in the Sand with myself. I have to decide if I want to continue on with the same damn life or if I want to grow and improve. Mark told me once your getting something out of walking away. I imagine it was comfort but I can’t sit with myself anymore and not demand better if I am being honest with me I know when I am giving 100% or when I am giving excuses. I promised myself I would not b.s. myself on this journey and I always keep my promises!
So much of my life has been about creating the easiest path or least amount of stress for myself and staying comfortable. I am no longerg willing to be comfortable. I have been back and forth for the last month about my purpose and I was reminded that my old blue print is always going to paint the picture I am use to seeing until l create and accept a new one. To do this I must become the person I wish to be before I can accomplish the goals I wish to accomplish. The future me has focus, a vivid imagination, is intuitive, has true health, lives on her own terms but gives and is willing to receive without hesitation and so much more. She is awesome and I can’t wait to meet her!
When persuing your dream the challenge can be many things. For example, It could be hard to create the vision but knowing that you can create that vision by focusing on your future self daily and many times a day and by affirming out loud who you intend to become also recognizing that if you want to achieve a certain thing you are already that internally you just have to build a bridge to it in your mind so that it may manifest. The key though is to understand that you must detach from the outcome. Yep just focus on the journey but don’t think like, oh I can’t wait until I accomplish this or that just stay focused on what you know to be true and continue to build the bridge by working towards it and affirming it everyday. Detach but stay focused and remember you got this!
Its great to understand what your feeling. On my journey I have been totally confused and most of the time I still am. However, every now and then I gain tremendous insight on what is necessary to keep moving through all of my stuck moments or otherwise depressing or somber moments. Through it all I realize I am always going to be what I think and feel. I choose to be the greatest version of myself and stay the course on my heros journey.
When I first heard about the law of attraction I was energized and pumped to know that all I had to do was say what I want believe it and the universe would find a way to bring all of the things I wanted to me. Well once I discovered that, not long after I realized that I needed to be who and what I wanted to attract. If I want help on my journey I had to be willing to give it first. If you want something you have to let go of it or give it some one else in order to keep it going in your life simply put closed mouths don’t get fed and closed hands and minds don’t get blessed!
I have been on this journey for years and I consistently find that I learn something new about myself the deeper I dive into my quest for self actualization. You see a long time ago I thought it was just about money and success and manifestation. The more I take this course and the more I sit the more I observe my behavior the more I realize how important it is to change me. Nothing will happen until I am ready for it. This journey is more about preparing you then completing task. Yes the exercises and task are very necessary but can you be patient, loving, kind and persistent even when you don’t see everything you want happening fast enough. Even when you can not visualize or even when your having trouble completing everything can you still remain in the flow? Can you maintain the desire to push through it all?
Can you show up differently then you ever have because that is the key to your own transformation. No matter how long you have been on this journey and no matter how much cement you have knocked off….there is always more!