I had been feeling sort of strange since early December. Like I was stuck in the middle of the road. Well I have been ignoring it because I thought, just keep pushing through and everything will make sense eventually. Well I had gotten to a place where I could no longer ignore it last week. So I finally spoke about it out loud with my Marco Polo group. As I started to share I also started to cry. Now I am really confused because in that moment I felt no sadness nor happiness. I just kept asking what is wrong with me?
Anyway in that moment I started crying and literally cried for two days off and on. I spoke to my mastermind partner, one of my closest friends and finally my guide. With my mastermind partner I just kept saying I will figure it out I am sure of it. It could just be the old me refusing to let go of the old behaviors that keep me stuck. With my friend I thought you know I felt this way before but it was right before my brother died. But I did not want to think that. I was observed myself a little more and said I wont speak or even entertain the thought that someone is going to die because I felt so much guilt that I did the last time and my big brother did past in 2011 right after I spoke that out loud.
I felt I was at a crossroads and I was fighting internally with myself. During the conversation with my guide I had literally in that moment discovered that this whole process was my internal self giving me information and that I had realized one part of my DMP goals. To be in tune with my intuition. Well there it was crystal clear in that moment. It was Saturday when I talked to my guide and Monday when I found out one of my relatives did past away. Sadly I was in line about someone dying, good thing is I am turned on and tuned in and this is something I always strive for.
I really don’t know that it is good that I sometimes know that someone is going to die. As I think back to all the people that held a special place in my heart that have passed on, I have always known it was coming. The first time, I ever experienced it was when my best friend died tragically by being hit by a car. I dreamed someone had that type of accident and then not long after we found out she was killed. I had just turned 16 and found out on my birthday. The second time was my father, the only time it was crystal clear it would be him. He had been in the hospital for a while. I felt it when I walked in the room and dreamed about it shortly after. The next time was my brother, the next time after that was a good friend of mind that I really wanted to talk to, I called her and left messages all week the next week I found out she died. She was young and we were close at one point. This one I felt guilty for a long time about because of my behavior towards her. This last one I believe was a combination of my cousin passing and also the old me starting to really remove some of the old blueprint.
We all have that intuitive intelligence that will alert us of things to come but we most definitely need to clear the path to it and not doubt when it is happening. Our feelings not only determine with our thoughts, the experiences we will have and how fast they manifest but they also help guide us to pay more attention to what we are thinking, and when something needs to be addressed, paid more or less attention to and much more. Feeling is always the secret! If you are on this journey then you know by now that being honest about what’s going on is very important. Examine it, address it from a place of peace and then let it go. After all we are natures greatest miracle!!!